I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
