I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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