Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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