the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
