I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
