..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
