HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
