I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
