using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
