porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
