Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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