Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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