dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
