Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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