Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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