i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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