2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
