Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
