I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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