Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
