my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
His nipple licking is glorious
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