u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
