talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
