Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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