Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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