Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
