Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
