chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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