So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
