Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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