So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
