I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
