he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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