I just made out with a guy for $7.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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