The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
