Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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