Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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