Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
