I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
