I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
