bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We don't watch enough power rangers
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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