At least make sure they are 18
Why
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
