Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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