it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
