Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
