I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
