My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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