someone get that fucking seahorse.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
