dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
