On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
