sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
