yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
